My 'Angel' Story

I am involved in a thread on Facebook that is discussing the concept of 'guardian angels', and I mentioned that I had an angel experience back when I was diagnosed with a typically terminal cancer. So this post is for the guys I have been interacting with on that thread (because they are curious to hear this). I will have to provide the proper context for the story to be significant. Here we go.

Back in November of 2009 we (my wife and I) finally received the final diagnosis of what had been an agonizing month prior (it took this long to figure out what kind of cancer I had); I had a very rare cancer for which there was no actual protocol to even treat it (they ended up borrowing a protocol from a cancer that is a distant cousin--ewings sarcoma). The cancer I was diagnosed with has a 15% survivability rate five years out (so you usually if ever survive), it is called desmoplastic small round cell tumor-sarcoma (DSRCT). Once we received the final diagnosis we got hooked up with one of only two sarcoma centers in the country (which just happens to be down the road from us), OHSU Knight Cancer Institute. We consulted with our awesome team of world class oncologists, I was hooked up with a dual port delivery system embedded under my skin within days of diagnosis, and I was heading for the worst kind of chemo you can get for the next 8mos. (with resection surgery included, I lost my right kidney and part of my inferior vena cava vein in the process).

The day before I started my in-patient chemo at OHSU, my oncologist had me do a PET scan (no fun!), by time that was done (it took about an hour), my wife and I were exhausted (the whole experience was just un-real for both of us!). So we headed home that evening only to know that the next day the chemo treatments would all start (the nightmare, more than I ever realized!). We were hungry so we stopped at the local Subway by our house to get some sandwiches. We were standing in line, waiting our turn to have the sandwich artists do their thing, and while we were waiting this tall, lanky, white haired older guy came into the restaurant; he kind of was being loud, drawing a bit of attention to himself, but not so much that most folk just tried to ignore him. And wouldn't you know it, he ends up in line right behind me and my wife; he started talking to me about the weather, and how he was from Minnesota, and other small talk. We proceeded to have our sandwiches made, him too, and as we paid, and we were getting ready to head out (we got ours to go), this older guy stopped me, looked at me, shook my hand and said: "it was nice to FINALLY meet you." That was strange to me, when he said 'finally', as if he knew me from before somehow. As my wife and I got in the car, we both, independent of each other (in fact she, my wife, said it first--what I was thinking myself) said: "do you think that guy was an angel?!" And yes, we both had this sense, that indeed, this guy was an angel. The fact that we both concluded the same thing independent of each other was very confirming. Later on as we went home, it was as if the Lord just spoke to my heart, reminding me of this 'meeting' earlier that day, as if to say: I am standing with you, and there is no gap between my throne-room and your living room (the idea of Elisha and the angels that surrounded him and his servant when the foreign troops were surrounding them came to mind at that time).

There was just a real tangible sense through this visitation that the night before I entered into the most scary and tumultuous thing of my life (of our lives), the treatment for a terminal cancer, the Lord was walking with us, right there with us, never to leave or forsake us.

Oh yeah, that same day (the day of the PET scan), as we were trying to find out where my PET scan was at in the labyrinth of a hospital that OHSU is (if you have ever been there you will understand what I mean), we got lost. We ended up on a floor of the hospital where they were doing construction, and it was deserted, actually when we got off of the elevator; and now we were going to be really really late to my PET scan appointment. All of the sudden right outside of the elevators, as my wife and I were scrambling to figure out where to go, this nice lady (mid-fifties) showed up, dressed in a ladies' business suit, and asked us: "are you guys lost?" We said yes, and told her where we needed to go. She said, "I'll take you there." So we got back onto the elevator with her, and she took us to just the right spot in the building to where we needed to be going, and then she left us. This was also a really strange experience, and my wife thinks she was an angel too. I am inclined to think she was as well. I am totally confident though that the guy at Subway was.

Anyway, that is my angel story.

I am cancer-free, and have been for four years now. Another miracle!

PS. We are not charismatics, in case you were wondering ;-).

The Lost Are Still There

It is very difficult for me to stand back and contemplate the fact that people, any people, without Christ as their personal Lord (meaning that they have the Holy Spirit see Romans 8) are going to be eternally separated from the life of God in a "saving" way. In fact this thought is terrible! I challenge you, if you haven't lately, to prayerfully step back and look at people as lost sheep (no matter how much you might dislike certain people); like Jesus did with the crowds following him, as he looked at them with a deep compassion, like they were sheep without a shepherd. We participate in this life of Christ, in the life that looks at people with deep compassion; and then he acts for this people's good (both eternally and temporally).

As I stopped and considered this at work, as I looked at the guys and gals I work with, and think that most of them don't have a personal and saving relationship with the God of the universe in Jesus Christ; my heart broke.

Anyway, just a quick reflection :-).

Theological Reasoning: A Way Forward?

Just a quick thought on something I have been pondering as of late, and this pondering really isn't anything new for me; that is what I have been pondering about.

What I have been considering is in regard to theological reasoning and biblical truth. In other words, it is no surprise that I am a big fan of certain Christian dogmatic theologians (like Karl Barth and Thomas Torrance), but at the end of the day, who cares? Who cares what Karl Barth, Thomas Torrance, John Calvin, Martin Luther, Augustine, Athanasius says or thinks. Why should I really care? If they are just giving me their thoughts, creative as they are, about what they think the Bible teaches, or what God's life in Christ implies; how can their theological opinions, or why should their opinions mean anything to me other than simply being interesting? And yet, the interesting thing about this is, is that various and important theologian's opinions and thoughts have had a profound impact upon the way we have received and understood the Bible's interpretation.

Is it possible or advisable to really know what the Bible teaches, categorically, without the influence of certain and important theologians impacting the categories through which we are making interpretive decisions about the Bible?

These are the types of questions that have been running through my head.

On Not Being a 'News-Cycle' Christian: Ukraine and Russia in Particular

I have been paying an almost inordinate amount of attention to the current and on-going developing conflict between Russia, the Ukraine and its peninsula, Crimea, and the West. Something that I am finding quite disturbing, but unsurprising (unfortunately), is the general dis-concern for what is going on among many Western peoples (because it is not immediately impinging upon their daily lives in any real way, in general); and beyond that, the attention deficit disorder, which we often call the 'news-cycle' which has already started to shift away from covering the kind of global conflict happening in the eastern block of the world.

Are we to, as Christians, suffer when one part of the 'body' suffers? Are we, as Christians, supposed to enter in and care for the weak and needy among us; and in particular our brothers in sisters in Christ? Or are we to be 'news-cycle' Christian people and prayers who simply follow the trends determined to be what they are by the ratings that purported "news-channels" get as they cover the most interesting and sensational stories at whatever given moment?

It is an overwhelming thing, to be concerned about our own daily lives, and the pressing things that that entails; and then to be asked to care about what is happening outside of our own personal worlds and orbits. But I believe we are called to that as Christians. I am guilty as anyone when it comes to this. It is a burdensome task, at points, to try and pray and make intercession for as many people as I can in a day; but it is also my great joy and privilege to get to participate in this kind of intercessory work of King Jesus.

I have more to say, and in particular, at this moment, about Ukraine and Russia; but really all I am hoping to do with this post is to remind us to pray for the people in Ukraine and Russia right now (and there are plenty of other people groups to pray for too: Sudan, Venezuela, China, et al.). These are turbulent times, and I wouldn't want the narcissism of  news-cycle to determine how we pray; but instead, I challenge you to let the love of God in Christ and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit provide the impetus for how you should be praying about all of this.

26 And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. I Corinthians 12:26 

32 But recall the former days in which, after you were illuminated, you endured a great struggle with sufferings: 33 partly while you were made a spectacle both by reproaches and tribulations, and partly while you became companions of those who were so treated;... 

Hebrews 10:32-33

Suffering and Knowledge of God

When we suffer as Christians we come to know God because we are no longer reliant upon ourselves, we have no resource in ourselves, and so we are pressed deep into the ground of our life in Jesus Christ. The Apostle Paul understood this well when he wrote to the Corinthian church:

⁸ For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life. ⁹ Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, ¹⁰ who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us, ¹¹ you also helping together in prayer for us, that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the gift granted to us through many. ~II Corinthians 1:8-11

When faced with the uncertainties of daily life, when pressed against the most dire of consequences we really have nowhere else to go; it is really hard to deceive ourselves at that point, we are very vulnerable. This is the perfect scenario for God’s wisdom to reach us where we are truly at; we often do not realize how needy we are until we are needy. And this is why Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote from his Nazi prison cell about God’s wisdom versus the religious wisdom of the world:

Here is the decisive difference between Christianity and all religions. Man's religiosity makes him look in his distress to the power of God in the world: God is the deus ex machina. The Bible directs man to God's powerlessness and suffering; only the suffering God can help. To that extent we may say that the development towards the world's coming of age outlined above, which has done away with a false conception of God, opens up a way of seeing the God of the Bible, who wins power and space in the world by his weakness. This will probably be the starting-point for our secular interpretation.[1]

What suffering does for both the Apostle Paul and Dietrich Bonhoeffer is to tear back the un-reality, and un-truth of the human religions of the world; and instead it shows us humans, especially us Christians (who may well have imbibed the wisdom of the world), how empty everything else is a part from our God who humbled himself to the point of deep suffering and agonizing death. It is in this instance in this moment when our suffering is seen to correlate with his suffering for us at the cross the our knowledge of God increases in dependence upon his life; the life that death and suffering could not hold down.

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[1] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison, 359-61.

Job and Suffering with Perspective

Here is a post that I wrote on suffering, and what we can learn from Job, when I was right in the middle of my cancer, and cancer treatments.

In Bible study (or literary studies) there is a “device” called “dramatic irony.” The perfect example of this is found in the book of Job. We as the readers have a birds-eye view of the whole story; we see God’s discussion with satan in heaven, we see God giving satan space to slam Job for a “season.” Then we see the unfolding of satan’s attack upon Job, we go through all the false accusations of Job’s friends; we see Job in great pain and affliction, we see him wondering what’s going on, wondering where God was. We see Job in great mental, emotional, and physical anguish. Then we turn the pages and see God responding to Job — not in the way we might think either — and finally we get to the end of the book; we see how it turns out, how Job is blessed, even more so than he was before — mostly because He came to know the LORD in ways he never did before. My point, is that with Job we know he’s going to be okay (we know the end of the story); Job didn’t have our vantage point, he had to go thru it.

As I think about this, and my own precarious situation, it is amazing to think about dramatic irony; there is a story that has already been written by God, there is a so-called “back-story” going on here. To learn from Job, God is sovereignly in control of all the circumstances of my life; when I cry out to Him and wonder where He is and what He’s doing, to learn from Job, God is in control and every circumstance is ordered by Him. Beyond this there is a time of refreshing and rest coming; in ways that me and my family have never known (since we’ve never known the depth of suffering we are currently experiencing). There is great hope in looking at Job. God is in control, and He doesn’t want to keep that a secret; He also doesn’t want to hide that He is a God of great comfort, who doesn’t answer to us, but instead lovingly comes to us in His way, in His time. Dramatic irony is an ongoing reality, in my life, and in all of our lives; unfortunately we don’t know, specifically (we do in general as Christians), how each of our particular stories end (whatever kind of suffering or trial we are currently facing in life as God’s children). The good news is that God knows how each of our stories end and begin; He’s in control, and He just wants us to trust and rest in Him (I say to myself). Anyway, just a reflection.

Introduction To This New Blog

This blog is dedicated to considering issues around suffering and Christian theology in general. While I will write from an evangelical Christian (even 'Reformed') perspective, I will not write exclusively for Christians. In other words, I will engage with issues that are global, and thus pertain to all of humanity. My desire in all things will be to magnify Jesus Christ and his suffering, and resurrected life for all of us.

I sense a need for this blog. I have been touched deeply by human suffering, and the human condition as it inhabits a 'fallen' world, and its attendant realities. I recently (2009-10) lived through what normally is a terminal and rare cancer known as Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor-sarcoma (DSRCT); this diagnosis brought untold suffering into my life, and into my young family's life (I have been married for 14 years, and have two kids ages 13 and 10 as I write this). Prior to this diagnosis I endured serious tribulation as I lived with deep depression, and anxiety. Beyond this, I have family members who have been deeply touched by suffering of untold kinds as well. And I realize that we are not the only ones; I am not the only one. Human suffering is the plight of all who take a breath in this world as a human being. And this is not lost on God, the Christian God who is triune love. 

In God's wisdom he became man, and entered into our lowly estate, as it were; he humbled himself as God, and exalted us as humans in his own exaltation as human in Christ, in the resurrection and ascension. And so I want to speak from this reality, the wisdom of God, by highlighting suffering in general and in particular as it occurs in the world around us, and in our daily lives as Christians and non-Christians alike. And so this blog will exclusively write and focus upon suffering, and think suffering from the suffering of Christ for us. My hope is to proclaim hope through the writings of this blog, and in the process try to think Christianly from the point that we are all at; in the spot of our various and daily sufferings. This endeavor could become somewhat depressing, but that would only be if there was no resurrection; Jesus has risen again, and so his resurrection, ascension, and second coming will regulate and order the way that this blog engages with the theme of suffering in general.

Lastly, this blog will be written in a pastoral way. In other words, while I might get deep, I will intentionally seek to write in accessible ways. If you want to read my academic/theological blogging, then you can always find me at: The Evangelical Calvinist. 

Blessings,

Bobby Grow